who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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