I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
