Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
