I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
