you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Even my vagina gasped.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
