True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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