I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
