my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
