His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
