At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
