Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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