My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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