Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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