I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When are your genitals available?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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