I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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