Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
