What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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