she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
