My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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