she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
