Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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