is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
