Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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