saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
