Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
