My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
