I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
