We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
