I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
