I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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