Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
