I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
