Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
