I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
