I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
