Will you blow on my dice?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
