well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
