i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I die, sorry about rent.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
