For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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