hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
