Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
