help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
