i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
