I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
