Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
