My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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