My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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