im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
