smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
