screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
