next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
