So drunk, too bad you don't want this
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
